Happy International Women's Day: Defining what being a woman means to you is a unique and personal journey
Womanhood is such an unpredictable journey. I continue to learn from the women in the past who paved the path of privilege that I walk on today. When I say they paved it, I mean it! They saw a path of dirt that wasn't good enough. They didn't know where it would lead. So they dug it up and ripped it apart. Burned it to ash. They levelled it out, trying to make it as even as possible. They mixed the asphalt with their blood, sweat, and tears, and paved their way through women's suffrage. We have a smooth road now, a direction to walk. Sometimes we still don't think we deserve to walk it.
The road to women's equality isn't quite finished. There are still cracks and a few uneven spots. I'm so fortunate to have the privileges that women before me never had. It's because of them that I have the career and lifestyle I want. That I was able to take so many risks without fear. To use my voice and advocate for myself. To advocate for others. To make decisions based on my vision instead of the expectations society has of me. To define femininity in my own way.
Women still have experiences that make them feel pinned under the thumb of the patriarchy. For me, the difference now is that I recognize it more. I hear it in words said by men without a second thought- it's just how they were taught. I see it on magazine covers and in movies. I frown at it every time I'm interrupted. I feel it every time I smile for appeasement like it's a genetic female reflex I can't control. I sense it when I'm afraid for my safety in situations that don't appear unsafe at all. I cringe at it every time I forgo a boundary. Be polite. Smile. Lower your expectations. Don't disagree. Don't be hysterical. Don't rock the boat.
Truthfully I've been rocking boats most of my life, but as an adult, I'm rocking them so hard they're tipping over. Screw breaking the glass ceiling, I'm capsizing the ship! I ask myself 'why' more than I used to. Why do you want to do that? I scrutinize the lens I view myself through. Is this really who I want to be? I refuse to fit in the 'box' of expectations. Women don't all fit in the same box. We aren't all just 'one thing.' We walk different paths on a similar road. I've created a new set of rules to follow to help me be true to myself. I hold myself accountable to them. To celebrate International Women's Day, I've decided to share some of my rules:
- If I set a boundary I am no longer obligated to explain why unless I feel it is necessary. No is a complete sentence.
- I'm no longer polite to men who make me feel uncomfortable.
- I don't smile on command.
- I'm no longer obligated to respond to everything. No response is a response.
- I reduce my use of generalizations, and words like 'always' and 'never' because they are rarely accurate.
- If my intuition tells me to leave, stay away, don't do go- I LISTEN.
- I speak up. I advocate for myself. I express my needs.
- I don't allow any expectations to define who I am except my own.
- I don't dull my shine. No more self-deprecating humour. No more downplaying my achievements. No more lowering the bar.
- I allow myself to be vulnerable because it's the bravest thing anyone can do.
- I committed to working on myself, to be the healthiest person I can be. Mind, body, and spirit.
Defining what it is to be a woman is a unique journey and no two paths are the same. And they shouldn't be, because each of us is one of a kind. My boundaries may not be the same as the woman standing beside me. My rules may not measure up. My perception may not align. The beautiful thing about modern feminism is that we embrace these differences and look at them with empathy, instead of trying to force them into a box. Instead of trying to reshape them into something we understand- something more agreeable. Therapist Jason VanRuler said "Logic closes doors. Empathy opens them."
I took a lot of risks to get to where I am today and I never envisioned my life turning out this way. Not just what I've achieved, but the fact that I'm as happy as I am. I always felt like I had to prove myself more. Afraid to fail. Now I'm an underdog who writes about dogs! To all the young girls and women out there questioning your abilities and worth, I hope that you tell yourself a better story about who you are, what you are capable of, and what you can achieve. You are worthy of taking up space and having an opinion. You are different and that is spectacular. Your unique voice is what makes you memorable. Your journey is what makes you inspiring. Don't be afraid to take a risk. Pave your own path.
#InternationalWomensDay
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